Thirteen months after I had to drop out of college, and I’m slowly starting to understand how some people become alcoholics and drug addicts.
It’s the little shit, man. The little shit, that spirals out of control and turns into bigger shit that makes you batshit crazy, man.
Like, example. My moms asked me to check in on her dog, because she’s out of town, i.e., little shit.
My moms is out of town, because she and my sister are off somewhere in Puerto Rico.
They’re off in Puerto Rico, because my mom raised the money for her to go with some group.
She raised the money, but she owes me $1500, that I lent her without asking where it was going.
I lent her that money, and she said she was going to pay me at the end of the month. That was seven months ago.
I lent her that money, after letting her borrow $200, and paying her $250 for a deposit on a house that I never moved into.
I never moved into that house because she told me she couldn’t afford to help me with anything.
She asked me to watch her dog, while she’s out in Puerto Rico, while I work six days a week, while she spends more money, while she still has yet to pay back what I’ve given her directly, while she hasn’t made the slightest attempt to pay off any of the debt I’m in because of her, while I’m sitting here, broke and trying to figure out where to go.
I’m sitting here trying to let the bullshit go because she’s my mom, only to have my dad come in the room, yell, and ask me to rationalize why I still do shit for my mom when she isn’t doing shit for me, and I can’t say anything beyond “Because, she’s my mom, you know?”
I’m sitting here with a bottle, trying to leave sobriety behind, so I don’t have to think about all of the aforementioned, plus more unmentioned.
I’m sitting here with this bottle, because I don’t talk to anything or anyone else, until I’m already over the situation.
I wonder if the people who end up in rehab are the ones that close themselves off like I have.